I’ve spent the last few months convincing myself that this was fate. Life was suppose to turn out like this.
We’re all inundated with the belief that we’re suppose to be okay with not knowing how or what our lives are going to turn out like. We’re coerced into spending almost $100,000 on our education, which is most definitely an investment in our future. Oh, and that living at home is a stepping stone and not a ending point.
I’m getting scared– no, I’ve been scared.
I wake up everyday feeling like I didn’t sign up for this. I was destined to be a nightly newscaster or hairstylists, like my younger self frequently dreamed of.
I shared my fears like I often do with my grandmother the other day. She had an unlikely response:
What would you do if you weren’t afraid ?
I really started to think about it. I decided to compile a list of things I would do If I stopped feelings so sorry for myself.
It’s a growing list, but here is the start:
1. Learn to dive. Years of swimming lessons and I have yet to pull it off.
2. Dye my hair Kim K. blonde.
3. Hand write letters to everyone who has done wrong by me. (Who wouldn’t?)
4. Eat red peppers, onions and mayo.
5. Take a dance class.
6. Open a boutique.
7. Start an organization that focuses on professional development and life skills for inner city kids.
8. Endorse politicians. (It’s too risky in today’s pc society)
9. Be honest and open with my feelings in a relationship.
10. Live in a different country.
11. Spend New Years in Paris.
12. Go to beauty school so I can wax my own eye brows and receive product discounts.
13. Tell someone when they’ve hurt my feelings
14. Host seasonal viewing parties for all of my favorite shows, even though there is a possibility that no one will show up.
15. Send emails and letters when I’ve gotten really great service (I don’t know if this is a fear or just laziness).
16. Post every shopping purchase online (just because I love my purchases that much).
17. Not settle for a job that I’m not happy with.
18. Also, not settling in relationships just because I like the person.
19. Delete every social network.
20. Tell a fake friend that I actually hate them.
21. Get rid of the fear of judgement
22. Stop reading my horoscope every night at midnight.
I’ve heard that our fears mean we’re living. Life is about screwing up, starting again, and being scared shitless the entire time.
This is no longer just my list of fears. It’s my bucket list.
Now, I’ll ask you: What would you do if you weren’t afraid?